Growing through work

Talking openly about difficult experiences that happened in the workplace is an unattractive photo to share on the LinkedIn wall, only a few people would show that in public!

These are memories that can produce shame and sadness, but the reality is that painful situations that happen to us while developing our profession, can become, if we allow it, opportunities for improvement, growth, and healing.

At the beginning of our professional life, we are inexperienced and may have few resources to get ahead. These special conditions give your job the status of a precious and indispensable asset for survival and make you an easy prey for potential tie-wearing bullies. Sometimes, you come to accept conditions outside the contract or endure very hard situations that now, at the present time, you would not even contemplate. Has it ever happened to you?

I think it has happened to many of us. And if not, pretty sure numerous times you may have asked yourself "how could I put up with so much?", "why didn't I act differently?". Don't burden yourself, you simply did what you could with the tools you had.

No pain, no sorrow, no glory

We grow through the management of painful experiences with which we develop and strengthen our resilience. This is not a mystery, nor is it an easy dish to digest.

We learn how to deal with problematic people in the office when we live with the colleague whose spirit embodiment would be that of a tremendous boil. We discover what it means to have a good boss when we suffer one who is not leader material. We often value good things because we have the physical, emotional and intellectual experience of having tasted not-so-good things.

If we consider the following:

• We cannot change people, nor can we expect them to change.
• We can only change ourselves with effort, love, and patience.
• Illnesses, losses, and problems are going to come in our lives.

What can I learn from difficult experiences at work, and is there anything positive to be gained from an unfair situation, for example? We find answers when we look from a broad perspective and with the help of the passage of time. You will not be able to see the purpose that was hidden in every painful situation of the past quickly and instantly, real life does not work like the internet. Stillness and silence are necessary to be able to hear the secrets hidden in grief, and often, we are terrified of silence.

It was long years before I could see a little light at the end of the tunnel and understand that these thorny processes were forging my character to help me achieve something much better.

A few weeks after obtaining my disability certificate in 2020, being already locked in confinement and with toilet paper stocks in the red, the most unexpected miracle arose: the opportunity to be part of GoodJob's #INCLUDE program.

A comprehensive training was provided to obtain the Cyber Security Operator training to promote the labor integration of people with disabilities. Next, the first interview -which was with Telefónica- turned my life around.

Learning what work teaches you about your wounds

I was already working in a new profession at Telefónica Tech. I couldn't have been more excited and happier. Me at the top company in the industry? With normal people? Why are they all so nice? Where's the hidden camera? It was "that dream within a dream" ("The Princess Bride", 1987).

It was then that this stupendous work began to speak in my ear about my personal wounds. I was still somehow affected by that computer bug "WorkFAKE6". This and other incidences had negatively marked my worldview and I was having a hard time accepting that the gifts that surrounded me in my new workplace were real and that I could enjoy them. The self-demand I imposed on myself to "make the grade" in an attempt to make the percentage of disability I suffer from disappear was cruel and unrealistic.

The Process of Healing and Growing through Work

Here are the 4 phases of the process that will help you heal and grow through your work. It is the fruit of my personal experience, and you may miss something else. Add what you may find useful!

1ª Resist (optional)

This is the explosive sum of denial of reality and a series of distorted beliefs. In this stubborn resistance you reach the point where you know perfectly well that you cannot continue under those levels of distress and overexertion, but, even so, you insist on continuing and going beyond, abusing your strength and your internal resources.

To this you can add a mixed bag of distorted beliefs about how to cope with adversity and who you are. It will lead you with great statistical probability to the next step: breaking. Don't wait for the break, please ask for help!

2ª Break (optional)

You gave more than you could, you "broke" and as a consequence you are suffering from several or all of these symptoms at once: Extreme exhaustion that does not improve with rest. Insomnia. Onset or worsening of physical symptoms, migraines, weakening of the immune system, etc. Increased levels of neuroticism; loop thoughts, depression, panic attacks, anxiety, cognitive problems, dissociation and maybe addictions.

You spend as much time as possible entertaining yourself to escape because you can't stand the company of your own thoughts. You can't stop crying and don't know what to do. You are overcome with a deep sense of helplessness, loss, and sadness. You feel you have failed in your work because you can't give more, you find it hard to concentrate on your tasks and you make more mistakes.

3ª Recompose (compulsory)

It means to get down to work. In my opinion, the third phase is the most complicated because it requires changes.

You need to make a serious commitment of your will, so that the mere expression of a desire, of a "well, I have to put myself", nor of a "I would like to be better", to recompose yourself requires a firm: "I do not even know how to do it, but for the life of me I will find a way to get back on my feet". Even though external stimuli are pushing you hard and the problem seems alien, you carry it with you, like Ripley ("Alien: Resurrection", 1997).

If you have economic possibilities, seek help from a professional as a top priority; psychologist and/or psychiatrist who can guide and direct you. Sometimes it may be necessary to prescribe medication.

Specialties such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, help to change patterns of thought and behavior; cut family and cultural inheritances that make us fall into the same mistakes, replace fallacious beliefs with more rational ones. In short, these and other techniques recognized and accepted by science allow us to unlearn habits and ways of seeing life that subtract instead of adding.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an excellent technique for the treatment of traumatic experiences (PTSD), which helps to reorganize the memory file, placing each memory in its proper place and minimizing the disturbance caused by traumatic memories.

Sadly, it may be the case that you do not have sufficient financial resources and therapies are expensive. As a first resource, I recommend you seek help at your Public Health Center and get high benefits at low cost by reading books on psychology and health, internet resources, support from friends, family and/or community groups, among others, until you have enough income to go to a professional.

I would love to share some resources that were key in my recovery process, in addition to the psychological therapies I mentioned above:

• Perform a deep inner work of self-knowledge and self-help: How am I? Why am I like this? What are my strengths and points of improvement? As Mariam Rojas often says, "To understand is to relieve, we have to heal wounds from the past in order to live".
• Am I taking good care of myself? What is my self-concept? You may need to start treating yourself with more compassion and empathy.
• Practice volunteering and doing activities with more people. Increase social contact.
• Learn about sleep hygiene. Improving your sleep cycles is essential for recovery.
• Keep all your medical appointments, especially if you are undergoing treatment or on sick leave.
• Healthy eating and chocolate. A little chocolate is key to keep getting better.
• Physical exercise. Entice a friend, family member or your partner to join you, it will be more fun.
• Spiritual care.
• Relaxation and emotion management techniques, meditation, and self-focus. You cannot miss the conferences of this excellent communicator, Dr. Mario Alonso Puig.
• Control the use of technology and screens: less screen! more paper books, especially in the evening hours.
• Increase contact with nature.

4ª Re-educate not to repeat (mandatory)

Finally, we have to establish preventive measures to protect ourselves, equip ourselves with good tools for the future:

• Learning to be more assertive in communicating our needs and opinions can be an extra protection against repeating the same mistakes. Mind reading has not yet been perfected as a technique, although there are already several mothers who have made exceptional advances with their children.
• Study the hormonal mechanisms involved in stress, especially Cortisol: “Too much cortisol, too much distress. Low oxytocin, low confidence”.
• Finding out more about information processing in our brain. About how attachment is shaped in childhood, trauma, emotional intelligence, and resilience.
  
  

  ✅ Some great works are: “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, “The Ugly Ducklings” by Boris Cyrulnik, “Man's Search for Meaning” by Viktor Emil Frankl, and “The Resilient Personality” by Lidia Martín Torralba.

High-impact corporate culture

The opportunity to participate in a healthy company culture and to experience that I was appreciated and seen as a human being and not a mere resource had a very positive impact on my recovery. In addition to this, they took my new needs into account by adapting my workday and workload.

It is known that employees who are managed by leaders with high human qualities are more likely to grow and be happy developing their profession, establishing a circle of trust that helps to build and inspire the whole team. Working together with a sense of purpose through healthy interactions between co-workers and managers can provide the perfect breeding ground for continued growth for years to come.

There are very curious studies such as the one carried out by Paul J. Zak, on how trust generates happiness, based on the wonderful oxytocin, «The neuroscience of trust». They observed that high-trust people reported lower sickness rates, lower burnout vs. higher percentage of energy and productivity at work, among other amazing results.

“Trust and kindness open up opportunities. If you employ oxytocin in your work, the results will be more satisfying”. Mariam Rojas Estapé.

The beginning and the end

Remembering how valuable you are and discovering how much you can grow and heal through your work is just the beginning of a great adventure. We have not yet reached retirement age, and the challenge is served. That said, I'm back to work.

Image by Drazen Zigic at Freepik.

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